How to Travel with Another Family and Still Remain Friends

[Candyce Stapen]

How to Travel with Another Family and Still Remain Friends

Traveling with another family can be lots of fun. Your kids have buddies to share adventures with and you can share responsibilities like driving, shopping, leading outings and other tasks. Plus you save money by splitting costs for lodging, gas, food, rental van fees and other expenses.

Sounds good right?

It can be - just remember the big beware: ruining the friendship.

Liking a family is not enough. Even the most complementary couples who are the best of friends can have different travel rhythms and goals. Don’t think that just because you enjoy Sunday barbecues or movie nights together that you and the other family make good travel partners. If you plan on sharing a beach house or even exploring a city with another family, you need to be able to live with them, their children and tolerate their habits for 8+ hours a day.

Avoid the Transformation from Friends to Foes
Here are some tips on how to prevent your friends from turning into fiends during your trip and foes after your trip.

1. Choose your travel partners wisely.
Before asking your best friends to share a vacation with you, consider their habits & preferences...

...Do your pals leave dishes in the sink all day and wet beach towels on the floor, while you prefer a tidy house with clean plates and hung laundry?
...Do you prefer to start sightseeing after an early breakfast, but your friends want to relax, have lunch and then take in attractions?
...Are you the type to kick back and stay in at night, but your buddies are more likely to want to hire a babysitter so they can enjoy nightlife?

Warning: Big differences in habits and preferences can lead to major friction and a serious reduction in fun during a family vacation, plus fallout afterwards.

2. Be clear about your expectations, money and house rules.
Sit-down with the other parents ahead of time for an honest talk about dividing up chores, splitting food expenses, and sharing the rental van. Find out if your best buddy wants to indulge in steak dinners at the local hot spot, but you’re thinking more of a spaghetti and meatballs budget getaway. If so, discuss how this can work for both of you. Also, agree ahead of time about such house rules as who washes the dishes, which kids take out the trash, and what time youngsters go to bed. 

When touring a big city, some families go for the glitzy urban experience, complete with booking a hotel in the heart of the museum and theater district and dining at a trendy restaurant or two. Other families try to save money by staying at a lower-cost hotel in the suburbs, using public transportation to get downtown and, more often than not, eating at reliable chain restaurants with moderately priced menus. Be honest about your budget and how you wish to spend your vacation dollars. There are no right or wrong answers—just personal preferences. Problems occur when you don’t discuss these well in advance of your trip.
 
3. Make sure the children share interests.
A week’s trip requires children to be well-matched in age, temperament and interests.

If your teen’s best beach day starts with a swim followed by reading a book in a lounge chair or connected to an iPod, but the other high schooler thinks he will have a surfing buddy, then there’s likely to be conflict. This could take the form of snide remarks, put-downs and even some pushing and shoving.

If your friend’s daughter has her heart set on touring the natural history museum followed by a guided hike in search of fossils but your daughter dreams of horseback rides at the local ranch, then you might need two cars in order to keep the peace.     

On a trip to a dude ranch, we thought that my daughter then 10, and my niece, then 13, had enough in common to be best buddies. After all, they’d been playing together at family gatherings since they were little.  What we discovered: for three hours cousins can charm each other, but after a day, the age differences created problems, especially since my niece had already transitioned into thinking about boys and best rock songs.

Sometimes my niece sulked and my daughter felt disappointed that she wasn’t “entertaining” enough for her cousin. Some nights, their frustrations escalated into slammed bedroom doors and harsh words. What prevented a full-out war was the fact that, because my daughter had more experience riding, the ranch assigned the girls to different trail groups. That time apart kept things at the bunkhouse from becoming a full-blown western brawl.

4. Avoid disciplining your friend’s child. 
No one likes to be told that her child is out-of-control even if it’s true.

Resist the urge to discipline your friend’s son even if he keeps throwing a basketball against the bedroom wall or habitually delays planned departures by getting up late. Let his parents talk to him.

5. Give each other some space.
Even the best of friends, need some time alone. Don’t expect the other family to do everything with you.

It’s okay if one group wants to tour the aquarium, science museum and zoo, but the other family prefers to see the science museum and then head back to the hotel or beach house.  Just be sure you’ve worked out who uses the rental van and who takes taxis ahead of time.

One strategy is to assign each family one day of personal use of the shared van. That allows each family private time and enables each family to do what interests them without having to consider the other family.

Have you traveled with another family before?
What did you like about it?
What didn't you like about it?

What things have you found to be crucial to talk about ahead of time before you travel with another family?

Check out this video about avoiding germs in hotel rooms:

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/v/gkP_aFdKKr8" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">https://www.youtube.com/v/gkP_aFdKKr8</a>

About Candyce Stapen

Candyce H. Stapen is known as a pioneer and leading authority in family travel. She has authored more than 2,300 family travel articles and 30 books-including two National Geographic Guides. Candyce attended the University of Maryland where she earned a Ph.D. in English Language and Literature.

Candyce took her love and experience of family travel writing and combined it with her entrepreneurial spirit to launch FamilyiTrips, travel apps for families. These include DC With Kids, Boston With Kids, and the soon to be released New York City Family Guide. 

Acknowledged as an expert on family travel, Candyce has been interviewed regularly as a travel expert on "Today," "CBS This Morning,” “The Prudent Advisor” and several programs on Lifetime. For more than 10 years, Candyce has been a guest reporter for travel-delivering live segments on WUSA-TV, Washington, D.C.’s CBS affiliate.  She also has been a spokesperson and done satellite media tours for National Geographic Books, Cruise Lines International Association, ResortQuest, Hyatt Hotels International, Busch Entertainment Corporation, and SAM's Club/WalMart.

Candyce is also the Adventure Living columnist for BellaOnline and websites, including FamilyVacationCritic.com, Away.com, Continental Magazine, USA Today, USA Weekend, Miami Herald, New York Post, Redbook, Better Homes & Gardens, CruiseCritic.com, National Geographic Traveler, FamilyFun, Caribbean Travel and Life, Destination Vacation, Postcards, Expedia.com and MSNBC.com.

Candyce and her family travel together whenever they can.

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Note: This is a Guest Article written for Our Parenting Spot. The information contained in this article is not a substitute for advice given by a legal, medical, mental health, financial, or other professional.

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[Realist]

OMG OMG

Yes - family travel drama is bad enough when it;s just your family but when you add another family into it, it's REALLY bad.

Gr8 tips Candyce!

[Candyce Stapen]

Thanks for the support.

What are some of your favorite tips for traveling with another family?

Best,
Candyce

[Realist]

First tip: Don't do it if you can avoid it.

Other tips: Be prepared to strike out on your own if you need to part ways during the trip. and Remember that the friendship is more important than anything that happens on the trip.

[VA Mom]

I have to say - I like the advice you give Candyce.

I recently went on a trip to Barbados. Basically, the whole extended family threw a celebration for my grandfather's 100th birthday. Of course, my mom calls me and asks whether my husband, son, & I would like to join her, my dad, & my other (adult) siblings along with their spouses / kids in renting one big van to travel around in while we were on the island. I said thanks but no thanks. I foresaw logistical issues & in addition to that - one of my sisters will not even speak to me.

When I asked my mom what made her think it would work out to have me & my family SHARE a vehicle in a foreign country with someone who will not even speak to us - she said "Well I didn't even think of that."

We also got villas & two of my adult sisters and their kids stayed with my parents in one villa. There was lots of angst / fighting there (overheard.)

My husband son & I had a wonderful time because we planned ahead to avoid "trouble" issues with the family based on our knowledge of family preferences & issues. We knew when to smile & step away...and go exploring on our own.

[Candyce Stapen]

You were wise to go the vacation/celebration but to do so in a way that would work for yourself, your husband and your son.   
Even if everyone got along, so many people sharing a van is bound to be a logistical nightmare. Especially among siblings, compromise sometimes gets clouded by old feelings of jealousy, competitiveness, etc.

Thanks for your comments.
Best,
Candyce

[Candyce Stapen]

Some  vacation realtors I interviewed suggested that the best way to remain friends when two families share a villa, is to rent two villas.

Thanks for your advice.
Best,
Candyce

[Mei Marcie]

I live in Singapore, and there are a few sea cruiseliners.

I think a cruise is very easy for families with young kids and aged parents. Everyone can be together, if they choose to, at meal times and the rest of the time, wander and do anything they like. There are also land excursions, which the family can get together and explore for 2 hours or so, without being at each other's throat!

I tried it twice, and everyone was happy!

My baby has eczema btw, and so a cruise liner with air-condition is good for her too! You can have the sun if you go to the deck

[Sharlene]

Great post! Trips with other families can be as tricky as rooming with a best friend.

[Candyce Stapen]

Cruises are wonderful family vacations for the reasons you cite. Cruises also work because each family can manage its own budget. Those who want a big splurge can book a suite but those who want to stay on a budget go book an inside cabin. the same works for shore tours, spa splurges, etc.

I love cruises too.
Thanks so much for your comments.

Best,
Candyce

[Pauline Mitchell]

my daughter and i did a cruise with another mom and her daughter. separate cabins are a must! we had a good time but we did need time apart like mrs. stapen says.

good tips!

[Job Momma]

Traveling with workmates who are "friends" can be especially delicate.

It's important to remember not to lose your temper or do anything to otherwise offend on the trip.

Excellent tips Candyce!

[Candyce Stapen]

That's a great point. If something goes horribly wrong when vacationing with a friend, you may lose the friendship. That would be sad. But if your friend is also a colleague from work, that's double jeopardy: you may face real tensions at work.


Thanks for your comment.
Best,
Candyce 

[Candyce Stapen]

Cruises work well for moms and children traveling together, but separate cabins are a must. I once did a cruise with  a good friend and her daughter in the same cabin with me and my daughter and it really did strain the friendship.

Thanks for your tip.
Best,
Candyce

[debbieg]

Candyce, you really hit the nail on the head with this story. Thanks so much for your great advice. It was interesting to read your city apps break down activities and attractions by age group -- young kids, grade schoolers, teens. We're visiting cousins in Boston this weekend and have 2 young kids, 4 grade schoolers and 3 teens. I need all the help I can get fashioning an itinerary that works for everyone.
When is your New York app coming out?

[Mei Marcie]

Of course separate cabins in cruise! Prices can really go up if booked on short notice, so do plan ahead

[Candyce Stapen]

Thanks so much for your interest in FamilyiTrips apps. Boston has several spray parks; they are listed in Boston With Kids.  The little kids and the big ones will like cooling off.

Along with fabulous museums, Boston offers great outdoor activities from biking along the Charles River Esplanade to going on a Boston Tea Party Reenactment sail.

NYC Family Guide app will be available in a fe weeks.
Thanks so much,
Candyce

[Stephen]

Good points, but I disagree with #4/Discipline. It might be better advice not to travel with a family if you don't share some basic ground rules about behaviour, and respect each other enough to act accordingly. If it's worth traveling together, it's worth parenting together.

[Candyce Stapen]

You bring up an interesting point.
In theory, I've found that close, adult friends do say things like "Of course, if my Bobby misbehaves, you can send him to the bedroom for a time-out," but in reality, I've found that many parents do harbor some lingering resentment when another adult disciplines  their children.

Has this situation  ever happened to you?

Thanks so much for your comments.
Best,

[Andrea Thomas]

I'm forwarding this article to a friend now as she's traveling with family (in laws, sister and kids) this weekend! Maybe this will save her some frustration!! As far as disciplining other peoples children...its always a touchy subject. You're right, no one likes to hear that they have a out of control child. Especially because everyone's tolerance level is different!

Great article